Baby, I Love You (butnotwhenyou'reongear)

There have been 100 days
of "I love you"'s
But today, you see me.
How can you see the
Unseen pathways that
Lead you back to me.
You cannot see. All the times you've
Looked through me.
I existed as a fragment of a double life of lies
But today, you see me.
You say a man don't make you whole
But
I gave half to you,
To look after. To
Look
After.
And it took so many tears of days to
Bring you back to me.
Mr Clueless ran the world but
None of you could be
The man that came, to set me free.
I see,
I see you. And now,
After a fucking eternity,
My god!
My love.
My life on the line.
You have
Come back
To me.

Doubts

Sometimes I shut my eyes. The sun comes shining in through my eyelids, and the trees are swaying, and all is love. Soft grass. Skin on skin, a thousand kisses, I can cope, baby, I can do anything. God, I love those days.
But then there's blankness. Going through the motions. Sick self affirmation. And I crumble. I can't cope. I can't do this any more. This is not what I signed up for. I have to get off the ride NOW.

You don't abandon someone who's drowning, but you can't untie the weights without drowning too.