First Fuck

I think we have omitted
Certain twisted details.
How about that fact that
We never kissed,
Or that the zip undid
Under my soft hands.
The absence of caressing,
And that we
Never danced.
How about the inner sense
Of innocence? Was that a pun?
I just wanted to have fun
With anyone with a loaded gun.
No one but you will ever
Know. Everyone knows.
But not your name.
I can't even recall the
Colour of your eyes, but ours
Barely met.
I bleached you out of my memories
Until I felt pristine,
Clean and dirty,
And I've never been so
Perforated by some kid
Who squeezed and perspirated.
I think you were the rabbit,
Snagged and surrendered
And I was the snare,
Hard candy, jailbait.
Who would dare-
in their right mind.
Only me. Omitting
Certain details.

So

The walls are shifting beneath my feet. Which way was up again? So many different pills and different times of day. But I was barely awake. What happened? I can't find anything to take away the screws that take away the pain. So frustrating. How am I supposed to be dealing with this? I just want to fuck and sleep. Each cut marks another hour passed without air. Never breathe again. Kiss on the wrist. Fingertips around the jugular. So romantic. Deeper. Who am I again? Let's dance.

A theft of the living, he'd stolen my heart.