Am I growing up?

When did buckles become laces? When did I swap lollipops for cigarettes? When did I start to prefer coffee to hot chocolate? At least I know I've always stayed up late.

I'm so sick and tired of proclaiming that I'm... well, sick and tired. Don't they know it's hard enough being this way without having to explain every detail with their exact words and stitch together my own little profile. There's nothing to blog about because I'm always either coming or going to hospital or doctors or nurses. My life has managed to become some bizarre caricature. I'd like to get off the Ferris wheel now please.

These entries will mark my decline into madness.

I bid you all adieu, for what follows cannot be resolves by man or beast.

Oh, and bear,

You broke my heart.

It's a good that there's a puppy trying to fix it again.

unravelling somewhat

GODDAMN 

No one is anywhere. I want everything. Now. 

Tears. Tears=Weakness, and they burn, and I'm cold. I want a hug. Weakness cracking my skin. Stop now now now. 

So.. if I can shoot rabbits... 

being so young... and being so vain. 

I hate you for going to sleep. Why are you so special that you get sleep... I don't. I need you. I want to deprive you as I have been. I want you to think as I do. All I want is to never be alone again. 

But I'm always alone I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. 

I hate men. I don't want a daddy. I don't have one. So don't give me another. Or another. 


Bastards. All of you 


You burn. 

Cold fire. 


I love one note. It is my sorrow. I can't read music. Or else I would know and be wed to that note. 

I DRAG BEHIND. Don't you know? I do. I scrape along in everyone elses shit. Why can't I drag anyone through my shit? 

NOW THE drugs DON'T WORK. And they never will... 

I'll be hiding somewhere high. 

Jump down spin around pick a bale of hay. 

 WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? 

WAKE UP... I need you.. no one else works magic. Some just hurt. You are selfishly selfless.... And I love you. That's it. I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU LOVE. LOVE IS NOT REAL. SO SHUT UP KHLOE SHUT UP 

I'm waiting for your healing hand.. one touch could bring me round.

NO MORE WIRES

DO NOT RESUSCITATE.
_________________
But you see
That's contradictive
Why on earth would anyone practice
Self-destruction?

Try hurrdurr.

I'm thinking. About you. About the whole world. I let my thoughts drift as the rain scatters meekly through the trees, and I let myself find peace without you. I lie naked and wet on my bed, wondering when I should answer your silent call. I know I have not prioritized you, but I can. I will. I want to scoop you up and reassure you that everything will be ok now. Now that I'm free. But I can't lie to you, and I think there's going to be a whole lot more grizzly snapping and flailing and bite. If I see you on the other side of it, that's enough for me.
Don't get me wrong. My heart is still. It ceases to beat in time with the rhythm that you play. You have to twist the strings or it will never work properly, and I'll just make sure it doesn't stop.







http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If_BpSJehSw&feature=feedf