Caffeine

Yesterday was supposed to go well. I was supposed to walk into Chelsea and have my meeting. I was supposed to calmly explain why I didn't want to fill out another 40+ page form. I wasn't supposed to sleep through my alarm, have an anxiety attack and drink vodka for breakfast. But these days happen. Even the right words seem wrong on these days.
I ran out of medication. Again. I got so caught up hearing voices that I ended up pouring a pan of hot oil over myself. I almost cut my thumb off chopping things for dinner. I think I'll stay out of the kitchen until I'm medicated again...


Today I have my one-to-one with my substance abuse lady. I get to tell her I've managed to neck back however many units this week. It's actually pretty low for me. I might also get the results of my liver test back. Liver damage before I hit twenty? That'd be some feat.


Well, no results as it turns out. But I had some coffee and put my life into perspective a little. Perspective is always good.


Doctor doctor doctor. Must do. Ergh.


My porcelain queen with her long slender neck, forever keeping my life in check. I bow at the altar and hold my breath. One of these days, she'll be my death. My beautiful porcelain queen.