I was minding my own business pouring over countless food blogs when you decided to strike. Suddenly I was thinking about having to go to a funeral and see all my family, and then I started thinking about trying to navigate home alone on a train and whether or not I would have to change trains and maybe I would miss the connection or get lost or end up on the wrong platform and what happens if I run out of money and have to walk home from Victoria and oh god I don't know how to do that. And then I have to go to the doctors, waiting for ages and maybe I'll have to go and pick up a prescription and I only have an hour before going to the alcoholics meeting and it's going to be full of people I don't know and they're probably all old and they might make me talk and introduce myself and everyone will be looking at me, judging me and wondering what the fuck I'm doing there when I'm not even twenty. And I still haven't gone for the fucking heart scan because the hospital is big and I'll get lost and I don't want to go alone.
Everyone in my family keeps asking if I'm ok since my uncle died. You know what? I'm fine. Maybe the funeral will make me not fine. I don't really want to find out.
I've lost my dad, grandma, and four year old son over the course of the last two years.
ReplyDeleteif you need someone to listen; ever;
I'm ok. I was right at the front row of the funeral with my next of kin which was a little daunting. I did manage to make it the whole journey there before I cried though!
ReplyDeleteIt was a Buddhist ceremony with lots of Tibetan and Sanskrit chanting, and meditation periods which was very soothing :)