I have not gone mad.

I've got all three sets of scales lines up and each one reads fucking different. WELL WHAT IS IT SCALES?? Am I 8 stone 5, 8 stone 7, or 8 stone 11? God it's driving me fucking mad and pigged out yesterday and  I wanna go use the fucking scales at the GP but it's Sunday and the GP is shut and now I don't know how to budget my calories can you tell I'm a little bit fucking stressed. I ate a bag of crisps before I was even properly awake and now I'm chugging cold black coffee to try and flush out EVERYTHING and get the excess water weight off too and be tiny tiny TINY AND PERFECT and look how I feel, I just
I just want to look how I feel :(
I just need to lose a few more pounds
And see those pretty pretty hip bones god yes hip bones please please I miss you come back
just
want to stop my hair falling out
need supplements
I can live on vitamins and fibre-sure, and supplements
I need
to stop throwing up
trembling a little bit but its ok and when it hurts and when it burns it feels like motherfucking victory and I'm a cocaine goddess WINNING but
drugless
but you're a drug
and I just
need to lose                                      a few more pounds.
I like 110, but 109 would be heaven. God. If I could make those fucking scales read under 8 stone. I would cry, and smile. and I would be ok. everything would be ok then.

push push down you go BMI we are not friends yet but when you lose a bit and sit there at 17.9 yes yes we we will be so much better and they will all see that its ok and it worked out for the best just
need to stop
and breathe
tremors
let me know
I'm alive
but dying