Melancholy

Because I have nothing better to do than sip vodka at 3pm and fuck around on my shiny new laptop, today's post is about my cat, Melancholy (answers only to Cat). See, I thought it would be funny to call her Melancholy because she looks a bit like a Border Collie, and I like puns. She is also the happiest, most retarded cat I have ever met. This morning at about four A.M I stepped on her tail, she looked up in horror and then rolled over for a tummy scratch.

She runs into doors at full speed.

 It freaks me the fuck out when cats do that stretchy leg thing. That's not normal. And the sound is what I imaging masturbating with glass paper would sound like.Scratch. Sccrraatch. Scccccrrrratch.

My cat dribbles when it's happy. I've checked online and I'm still pretty convinced my cat has brain damage. We like to fuck with her by sticking random shit to her to see how she will cope. Most of the time she hunches over and creeps around before giving in, accepting her fate as doomed forever and rolling over for tummy scratches.

And at 5 A.M she likes to wake you up by jumping up on the bed, kneading any exposed squishy bits with her claws out and then sitting, wet cat nose on no longer sleeping human's nose. This doesn't go down as well as the cat thinks it should.

But despite being retarded and dribbling a lot, we love her. We do.

I really can't get to grips with drawing using the touch pad. I could plug a mouse, or even a drawing tablet in. But these are my shitty pictures, and they're worth a thousand equally shitty words.