Just thinkin'

First up - dinner is lamb koftas with raita, warm lentil and bean salad and red pepper compote, served with a side salad and warmed flatbreads. Don't be so jealous X_x (I can make it vegan if you want to come over)

Now that I know what I'm eating, my head is clear for thinking about reality. I ever flail around in life, screwing up where possible. Even now, on a course I enjoy and turning thoughts towards grown-up things like a job, a flat and another diet, I am plagued by my own pedantic sickness. Sometimes I know that the price of clarity is too great, that I cannot bear the burden of my own sins and the world's virtues. It's all too much and I think I might snap. Now, instead of cracks blossoming over my skin as tribal scars, they bleed behind my eyes. The fruition of my anti-labours is my own loathing. I hate this life, I hate myself, I hate food and drink and dance and sleep. I hate this self-centred ego screaming "I!I!I!I!I!" yes, me, I'm snapping.
Don't cry, little Alice, it's only a garden.
This existance is a very lonely one. I do so miss myself.
In other news, relationshipwise everything is O.K and not K.O, which is... good. The usual stresses and strains that make a couple love (to strangle) one another are present and persistant. We fight, we bitch, we cry, we sulk, we ignore eachother and eventually we fuck. Such is life. I'm still dizzy and druglessly in love. Does it cloud my judgement? Of course. Does that make me weaker or stronger? Who knows? Who cares?